Beautiful
by cgaussie01
Summary: Genderbend  Co-written with indigofireflies. Richard Roxxi is kidnapped by the mistress of evil Megamind, but things hardly go according to plan for the reporter.


Metro City was a buzz with excitement, as any decent city would be, for it was nearly the day for the Metro Woman Museum to be opened. It had been in construction for well over a year, and now the day was almost upon them when it would be unveiled to the public. Word had it that Metro Woman was going to make a special appearance at the opening too, and really, why wouldn't she?

Today though we focus on two co-workers walking down the street. One is a slim, well-dressed young man with brown hair, blue eyes and wearing a combination of a red shirt and black slacks. The other is a short, pudgy looking woman with frazzled red hair, freckles that tried in vain to mask a acne problem, and poor posture. These two were Richard Roxxi, local anchor for Channel 8 and his camerawoman, Helen Stewart. Despite the intense feeling of excitement, Helen looked anything if excited. She sighed, and lifted a hand to shove her little finger into her ear to clean it. They had jut finished filming another 'soft cover' story, and she was carrying the camera in he other hand.

"Glad that's over with." she mumbled.

"Today's an important occasion, Helen," Richard critiqued, looking around at the swarms of people bustling on the sun-soaked streets. He adjusted the lapel of his scarlet shirt. "I think it's rather enjoyable. All the people, everyone being here for Metro Woman... she deserves it, at the very least."

Helen rolled her eyes but smiled brightly at Richard once he cast he gaze to her. "Oh yeah totally, I know what you mean. But it's been a real hard day hasn't it?" she asked, swinging her camera in a way most school kids would swing their bags.

"Not abnormally," Richard shrugged. "Don't you enjoy going to different places and shooting? You know, seeing people, bringing information and entertainment?" He walked a little aways from her, breathing in the summer air deeply and observing with a sense of contentment.

She totally didn't trail after him, not in any ways at all. "Well yeah that's why I do what I do. My job is to put that pretty face of yours up on all those screens every day after all! I mean, why would I stick 'round if I hated the job?" not like she had the hugest freaking crush on Richard. Nope, not at all.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "But isn't there... anything else at all? You know, interacting with the people, seeing the different sights of Detroit?" He was desperate to convince himself Helen didn't have a lecherous attraction to him. It was steadily failing.

"Oh yeah sure Detroit City rocks the casba no question-hey!" she stopped, and pointed. Not too far down the sidewalk there was a streetcar vendor, no doubt selling refreshments of some sort. My guess was ice cream and drinks. "Man I'm thirsty are you thirsty? I'll grab you something cold." Helen insisted before hurrying forward, leaving Richard where he was.

Richard shook his head, staring at a small tangle of a family trying on Metro Woman masks in a corner of the block. He heard a shaking - he assumed it was Helen doing something of the sort, then turned around and inhaled a fruity mist - and fell into the arms of a massive robot, all faux fur and robotic arms. He scooped him up, snickering, before throwing him into the back of a seemingly invisible car and slamming the door shut firmly before disappearing into the crowd, knocking over a few unlucky pedestrians on his way.

The car drove through the city streets with great speed and efficiency, for the driver of the car knew these streets like the back of his robotic hand. Minion quickly drove to the latest stronghold and tippy top-secret lair of Megamind, incredibly beautiful criminal genius and mistress of all villainy. Once the car was parked, and Richard strapped down into a chair bolted to the floor they simply waited for their captive pray to awaken.

Richard opened his eyes blearily, and immediately, the too-familiar brown and steel fatigues of his scenery focused into view. He groaned out-loud. Once again, his afternoon ruined by that she-devil. Testing, he yanked his arms against the restraints. They held firm. A growl escaped from him.

"Comfortable, mister Roxxi?" a smooth, over confident voice from the shadows asked. Slowly the figure approached and there before him stood the thorn in Metro Woman's side; Megamind. There in her skintight black latex outfit, fingerless spiked gloves, knee high boots and stockings with spikes basically placed anywhere one could she almost struck an intimidating presence. If not for the fact she failed at absolutely everything. Thin black lips parted to reveal white teeth as she grinned, before tapping her fingers together. "No? Good!"

"I could use a foot-rest - long day at the job and all," Richard pulled his snarkiest voice, swallowing hard, Adam's apple rolling as he took in Megamind. Her eyes were-half-lidded and seductive, leg curved temptingly over the other. "Don't those spikes get uncomfortable?" he offered. "There was a reason people stopped wearing them."

"You give up MANY things for fashion, mister Roxxi." Megamind replied quickly as she gripped the edges of her long flowing cape and strutted forward and came to a stop closer to the man, setting a hand on one of her curved hips. "Not that you would know anything about that now, would you? In your drab little reporter clothes."

"At least I don't look like a boobless Lady Gaga stalker." The cutting edge in his voice was meant to do just that. He let himself smirk as he waited for her reaction. He allowed his eyes to trail down the curve of her hip, but he immediately drew them up before his body could react beyond his control.

"Lady Gaga?" Megamind shrieked loudly, a look of absolute fury washing over her perfectly made up face. She wore mascara, lipstick, eye shadow, all of it black naturally. "How dare you, you KNOW that frog dress wearing bitch stole MY look!" she turned her head to her fish companion, eyes narrowed. "How are the legal papers going with that case, Minion?"

"Badly, Mistress. Lady Gaga's funds double ours. Her lawyer is threatening to sue for copyright violations," Minion flashed a timid look to the temperamental Megamind. Richard let out a barking laugh.

Megamind looked absolutely infuriated by these developments. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself, forcing the anger back and allowing the calm tone to take control. "No matter. Matters for another day." she said with a wave of her hand, her perfectly manicured nails colored silver to match her spikes and insignia brooch, which held her cape in place.

"So where do you get it all, anyway? Do you typically raid metal-heads closets when you're not kidnapping good-looking reporters and losing battles to Metro Woman?" Richard rolled his wrists again. This seat -was- uncomfortable. He adjusted his weight. By the looks of Megamind, he would be stuck here for a while.

"Actually we get most of it from leather stores and Hot Topic." Minion replied helpfully.

"SHHHHHFFFHHHFH!" Megamind hurried over to her large robotic companion, pushing her hands up against his dome. "Shhh! He'll learn all our valuable secrets and do another expose piece on me! You KNOW what he did when he found out about the... the..." she dare not mention the time that she had been trying a new ensemble on and tissues had fallen out of her top. When you were a lady with a size that made A look impressive, you did what you could.

She turned around quickly, cape smacking Minion in the body as she did to face Richard again. "Anyway! I'm sure you're wondering what brings you to my little hide away today, mister Roxxi." she said, recomposing herself flawlessly.

Richard cocked an eyebrow, a grin twisting on his face as he remembered Megaminds' unfortunate 'slip-out'. The press had roared about it for a month - and he full-heartedly supported the embarrassment. "I am, actually, thanks. I'm also wondering where the bathrooms here are. Minion?" he turned to him hopefully. Anything for another chance to crack at Megaminds' facade.

"Go to the left, first door on your-"

"Don't tell him where the men's room is!" Megamind snapped, "If he has to go he'll have to ruin his pants! For there are NO potty breaks in my evil lair!"

Richard grinned. "Snarky, aren't you?" He stretched his legs out a little, waiting for Megaminds' next move. Minion shook his head and slipped out - as quiet as a robotic fish gorilla could slip out of a room.

This seemed to bring an almost diabolical grin to the mistress of all villainy, since her bright green eyes watched her fish leave the room. Slowly, somewhat seductively, she walked back over to Richard and bent over and placed her hands on his knees. They were close now, closer than Richard could ever recall before. "You're fun. You know that?" she asked softly, those black lips stuck in an interesting smile. "I've brought you here because I feel... hmm what's the word for it?" she paused in thought, eyes looking skywards a moment. "Oh yes. Frustrated."

Richard swallowed hard, breathing harshly out as he glanced down her slender, exposed throat, the deep V of her skin-tight top plunging and exposing the soft curve of her cerulean collarbones. Her hips were temptingly soft against the sharp curves of her body. Her eyes were acid-green and glittering with the knowledge of the increasing tightness of his black slacks. He howled inwardly to himself. Of all times, really? He glanced upwards to her waiting gaze. "Frustrated? About what?" His voice was breathy, barely a whisper against the silence.

She grinned at him, a grin of a woman who knew perfectly well what she was doing. After all, she was a genius. She lifted a gloved hand and pressed it to his chest and leaned closer still, her latex clad legs pressing against his. "What do you think?" she asked breathlessly before suddenly pulling back, tossing her cape back in an impressive move and revealed Minion standing there holding a black case covered in spikes. "And NOW!" she announced, tone returning to the arrogant, confident voice all of Metro City knew. "We begin!"

Richard couldn't stop the irritated gasp as Megamind sharply pulled away, the heady scent of leather and her skin still fresh behind her. He reverted to a scowl and looked at Minion, who was swimming uneasily in the globe atop his body, looking as if he had walked in on an awkward moment.

"I'm reaaaally sorry about this, mister Roxxi. But you kind of had it coming since that whole tissue debacle." the fish finally said awkwardly.

"No, don't! You think I enjoyed having that whore in my face? I could barely breathe! Too much perfume," he smirked, grinning. "So what's that nifty case? My next demise? I'm so excited!"

The fish looked shocked for a second before that apologetic look was replaced with one of a rare case of anger. While he knew his mistress was one to dress in interesting ways, and took way too much pleasure out of capturing the reporter, calling her a whore was just stepping over the line! "I'm not sorry anymore." he said flatly and set the case down on the ground, opening it up as he did but in a way so that Richard couldn't see what was inside.

"What is that?" Richard leaned over to the side, struggling to see what was in it. Megamind and Minion share a very, very evil look, and for the first time, Richard felt a thrill of true fear run down his spine. He didn't like the looks of them. He was used to Megaminds' attempts at scaring him - but Megamind had always used huge flourishes and exuberance. Not secrets and little revealing looks.

"Oh look at him. Minion...!" Megamind gushed breathlessly, placing a hand to her chest. Her eyes were wide, and happy. "He's scared. We're actually scaring him!" she said, sounding more like an over-exited teenager then an evil mastermind.

"Truly terrified, mistress." Minion replied cheerily as he held up what looked like a black remote, though it only had one button and it was red. "Your device, mistress."

"Thank you!" Megamind took it and stroked the long black device caressingly, as if it were a pet. "Yes... yes... let me savour this... ohhh it feels so GOOD to be bad!"

"Yeah, yeah," Richard growled, struggling to maintain his own composure. Megamind was leering, green eyes an acidic shock beneath the black smear and blue skin. He crossed his legs, blue eyes betraying his apparent lack of fear. "Give me your worst, Meggy."

That hit a button. Megaminds' green eyes widened in disgust and anger, even Minion gave a gasp of shock that the man would sign his own death sentence with that one, single word.

"It's MEGAMIND!" she screamed, stomping one of her spiked boots on the floor. "NOT. MEGGY!" she lifted the remote and pointed it to the ceiling. "START THE FILM!"

All around them, roof high screens lit up. Seemed the group were sitting in a room made entirely of movie screens. At first it was black, then a moon began to raise slowly on the picture. Then a single name appeared, and Richard felt another wash of fear spread over him.

Britney Spears.

"You're... you're joking," he sputtered, staring with shock. "You're JOKING! You wouldn't... but this... What happened to, you know, blades and fire and alligators and... SCARY stuff? This is..." he laughed, but it came out choked and nervous as he frantically looked for any chance of escape. "... this is child's play! Meggy-MEGAmind, you're kidding me!" But his eyes darted to the black and be-spiked case. There was still more there, for Minion was sifting through. He held his breath. "What's that?"

Minion gave the man a grin as the movie began to play. A bunch of little girls were digging a hole to bury their 'box of dreams' in the ground. The fish reached forward and began to remove Richard's shoes and socks. "You, my good sir, are about to receive the greatest pedicure, manicure, and leg wax of your entire life. Isn't it great?"

And for the first time in his life, Richard screamed. It was a terrific scream, broiled with true fear and horror. It went on for a little, then cut off, followed by several sharper shouts. He kicked his leg away and at Minion's giant dome-head, struggling frantically against the bonds. Agonizing, he writhed, chest heaving and sweat beading on his skin. "MEGAMIND!" Richard moaned.

"Yes?" she purred, sitting seductively in a chair, which Minion had brought in for viewing purposes only. Oh, she was absolutely loving this. The shrill screams of the man filled her with such a mixture of sensations she wondered if her cheeks were turning lavender.

"Now don't struggle, it will make things much easier." Minion said as a robotic hand gripped the man's leg, and Richard was reminded just how strong the fish was. Now Britney was dancing and singing in her underwear on a bed, only to be interrupted by her father... Dan Ackroyd, who had obviously fallen far from grace.

"I... DON'T DO THIS!" he shrieked, struggling in vain against the hyper-steel of Minion's hand. "What the hell is WRONG with you-?" Richard screamed again as the file hit his toenail. Minion clucked up at Richard.

"So unkempt! This is going to take an awful while," he sighed.

Megamind simply giggled to herself, but that giggle quickly snowballed. It grew from a small giggle to a cackle, to a laugh, and finally became a full blown evil laugh that echoed around the room barely muffled by the movie's noise of a busy American high school so plain you could see it on every cheap comedy channel in America.

Minion was preparing the wax. The deadly batter steamed as he moved the plastic stick through it, then applied it to Richard's rather hairy leg. He spasmed - he would've kicked and worked, but Minion held him fast. Richard knew he had no choice. Frantic, he threw his head up and howled "Megamind, I am BEGGING you! Please, please, PLEASE!"

She was still there, of course she was. Sitting up eagerly in her chair she was watching all of it with a fascinated grin on her face. Finally, hearing him beg like he rightfully should, she slid out of her chair and walked over to him. With a simple hand gesture, Minion paused in his actions, but the wax paper still hung terrifyingly close to his leg.

"Yes, Richard?" Megamind breathed. "Is there something you wish to say? An apology, perhaps?"

"I..." Richard groaned sharply, turning his head to look at her eye to eye. "I apologize for my actions, for dissing your wardrobe, calling you a whore, and calling you Meggy. Now, PLEASE RELEASE ME!" His voice cracked at the end. His shirt was soaked with sweat, brown hair mussed with the violence of his thrashing.

Minion looked up at him and his mistress, mistrust glimmering in his eyes. "He's unworthy of you, Mistress!" he grinned. Richard paled. Even Minion had turned against him.

She laughed, turning to her fish friend and placed a hand tenderly to his glass dome, caressing it once. "Oh Minion. I trust your judgement more than anyone else on this miserable planet..." she purred, before turning her steely gaze to Richard. There was a moment, a horrifying one, when it seemed as though she would continue the treatment. Her hand even moved and placed itself over Minion's own.

Minion practically purred beneath his mistress's touch, glowing with pride as he grinned up at her. "Shall I continue?" he ventured hopefully, scales glimmering in the dim light of the movie. Richard swallowed, mouth dry. He could feel his heart beat, throbbing in every part of him. Surely Megamind could as well?

"Every villain dreams of this day... pitiful screams for mercy, only to fall on deaf ears..." she moved away from the two, her slim form illuminated by the screens as Britney was now singing some torrid song about finding your war. "For years I have longed for it, wanted it almost as badly as seeing Metro Woman's battered, dead body at my spiked heels! To gloat over the poor fool who dare tease me, calling me such names...! Slurring my name, ME, in the news as if I was some floppy headed blonde star who couldn't tell pie apart from PI!" she turned dramatically, eyes full of malice and hate, the grin on her face big enough to cause a Cheshire Cat to pause and whistle in an impressed way. "To have this moment, to SHARE this moment with you, mister Richard Roxxi... Is a dream come true. It truly is." she walked over to him casually and placed her hand to his face, cupping his cheek with a surprisingly gentle hand. Her acidic green eyes gazed into his sky blue ones, before rubbing her thumb against his cheek. "...that is why I'm going to let you go."

Richard gaped, relief sweeping over him. "You... you are? Oh, thank god. I'd kiss you, but..." he suddenly blushed, then shook it off shortly thereafter. "Thank you. Oh god. I... you're truly a beautiful villainess, Megamind." And he did mean it - but nothing a little sucking-up couldn't hurt if the lioness changed that cunning mind of hers. The impression of those impossible eyes were still burned into his. He wanted to shake his head, almost as if to relieve them, but he knew it was futile.

She raised an eyebrow, before giving a sweet smile. "Flattery, mister Roxxi?" she purred, "Has it really become like that, already? Why... I am almost touched. But know this, mister channel 8 hot bod, I am merely letting you go so you remember this. Not only am I prepared to do what it takes, no matter how deliviously evil it may be, but I am also capable of mercy. Remember this, mister Roxxi. Remember it well." she turned to Minion and waved her hand in a 'we're done here' kind of way.

Minion, looking shockingly unapologetic, wielded the black leather of the Forget-Me-Stick and with a single swing, Richard was unconscious, tongue sticking out, not dissimilar from a dead dog. With disgust, Minion asked "Where would you have me take him, Mistress?"

"Just toss him out with the garbage I could care less." she replied spitefully, hitting the big red button and he movie came to a sudden halt. Megamind huffed, lifting her shoulders as she did. It was obvious something was plaguing her mind, though. She cast a glance over to Minion as the other lights slowly came on, and she looked truly wounded. "Minion... am I really a whore?"

"Not at all, Mistress. It is my understanding that a 'whore' is promiscuous and stupid - you are none of those things. In fact, you are the most brilliant creature, and the most beautiful, on this side of the galaxy. Now, Britney Spears..." he rolled his shoulder to the screen, "she's a whore. Mister Roxxi was out of place when he said that. I could dispatch him for such slandering of my mistress, if you wish." He looked rather hopeful, wide eyed and teeth baring nastily. He truly felt enraged at Richard's overbearing mannerisms. No one would show anything but respect to his wonderful mistress and, more importantly, best friend.

Megamind exhaled slowly, the worried, hurt look on her face softening to that of fondness as she walked towards the fish and lifted her hands and set the on either side of his dome again and smiled in a way nobody but Minion had ever seen; genuinely sweetly, almost lovingly. "Minion, you are by far the greatest fish I have ever met. You know what?" she looked down at the unconscious man, before back to her one and only friend. "Have a ball. You've deserved it. His nails look fanTASTIC."

Minion blushed. "Th-thank you, Mistress." Carrying himself in a regal manner, he roughly stuffed Richard's limp form into the stained burlap sack, swinging it over his shoulder carelessly like giant, robotic Santa. He stomped out of the room, leaving Megamind to her pondering.

The blue skinned alien watched her fishy friend leave with the man, before turning and catching her reflection in the reflection of the now blank screens. She tilted her head, giving herself a good looking over. Slowly her cheeks began to turn a lighter shade of lavender, and she whispered to herself. "He thinks I'm beautiful."


End file.
